I should of done this years ago. I feel like i'm a little past the target age for spreading feelings on to a page but i guess at this point i'll take whatever kind of self-therapy i can get.
Not that this is my first time writing out my thoughts to attempt to wade through the jargled mess and collect the puzzle pieces to string together a touch of logic but last time i truly attempted this my privacy was breached by my dear mother and sister. And at the age of 12 when everyfuckingthing is happening that shit leaves a mark.

(ohhh... reminds me. Fanfic, a thing i should do?)

and so here i am, ten
years later preparing for round two. i just realized its been ten years, jeeeZUS!
i haven't topped that girl since. i was so much then
so vigorous, so full of life. so unafraid of anything. so free and protected. invincible

and now? all the glaring impurities
im lazy, damaged, unable to concentrate, that wink of intuition is gone. i feel like a used husk and im only 22 years in. when did i get so dumb, so empty. i don't think i've had an original thought in years.
i watch tv now, and i consider that a foot in the mental grave.

(Just another one of Ursula's trapped little souls)

i've forgotten how to create. how to truly think, how to see.
half the time i confuse myself with my own thoughts.
and the strange places my mind goes.
here's to the beginning of this mental dump site.
may it be fruitful

Listening to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6zv_5zGEso&w=560&h=315

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LETadzDGOs